February 16, 2012

Worked More Than a Discount Drag Queen

I may have mentioned it before but I my favorite activity is to find things to do so that I can say I have been really busy. Technically I never Lie when I say I have been busy but I could just combine some activities and not bother with others. I used to make time for you all my faithful viewership and that was when I felt like there were words at my finger tips.

I have decided to reinstate my old blog schedule posting every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday Simmer. I got back on track with ” Crazy, Crazy For Feeling So Lonely” on Valentines day which ironically landed on that day (I wrote it days earlier). I honestly am very tired at the moment so I thought I would take time to update you on some things.

First and most important I have been caught up in some pretty interesting television. After nearly 4 months of watching Star Trek TNG I finally finished the series. Honestly the series finale wasn’t really  as great as some of the individual season finales.

I completely watched a show that was just canceled within the last 6 months. The show was on Showtime called “United States of Tara”. If you haven’t seen it I can tell you it is probably the best show about a family since “Roseanne”. The premise is a show about the craziness surrounding  a family rocked by their mother who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder).

Tara's Alters

The mother has a menagerie of characters in her head that come out to play and wreak havoc on her life. The show progresses to a much higher plot of course but I don’t what to give too much away. This show was actually canceled at a time when the plot was at an all time best but they creators at least found a way to leave us with hope for the future of their family.

Shortly after finishing “United States of Tara” I took the advice of a good friend and started watching Season 2 of “RuPaul’s Drag Race”. I enjoy the campy nature of Drag shows but I had never desired to watch a reality show about drag queens. Reluctantly I loaded my Netflix and quickly decided that this was one of my favorite reality shows. Two episodes in and I felt like I could turn my friend paul into the best drag queen in the Tri-State area.

RuPaul Charles

The show has a really great premise It brings queens from all stages of life and put all their attitudes into one room and they have to learn how to be the best queen in America. They are put through some really interesting competitions and through it all learn from the fellow queens. This is not a thought provoking show but it does provide so good laughs and good drama.

As you know I could talk about television all day so we’ll move on to real life. Honestly I have had a very interesting last few months. I actually luckily reached all my goals for 2011 the final of which was to get an apartment. I technically signed the lease for my apartment three days before the new year so I unexpectedly fulfilled my final goal.

I was moved in by mid January and at first I really hated it. I was all by myself all the time and I hadn’t set up internet because I thought I could just use the internet on my cellphone. I was so wrong about everything, finally I broke down and begged Comcast to come set up my internet.

I actually have a funny story about my internet experience. The previous people had a satellite dish and I thought that the three cables coming into the house were for the satellite. To get them out of the house I had to cut the ends off the cables…apparently I cut the Comcast wire at the same time. The guy was kind of peeved that the wire was cut and couldn’t believe that would be the action taken to remove the wires so instead of admitting it was my fault I said ” yeah those people were real assholes”

Over a month later I am glad to say that I have settled in an I now can honestly call this place my home. I finally have a place of my own that I can call home. Not CQOTD because this was all information, but study up next week there will be a quiz.

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February 14, 2012

Crazy, I’m Crazy For Feeling So Lonely

This past year I was so ambitious and actually accomplished my goals I thought I would get together another set of goals. This year I have all the “things” I need. What I am aiming at is I want to foster and develop relationships. By that I mean I want to build up the relationships I have with family and friends. I also want to form new relationships less of that platonic type and more of the romantic.

The sad truth is that I haven’t dated anyone for nearly two years. Not that I have to date someone to feel  like a complete person, because I find those types pathetic. I am interested in finding someone because I am afraid I will become the ever famous “Forever Alone” meme.

Usually I am super passive, I am not the type of person to come up to you and start chatting. I can think of like 20 other things that include multiple types of projectile vomiting that I would rather do than to initiate conversation. That said I have had to explore some newer avenues to try and get myself out and on the market.

I started this process of putting myself out there midway through last year. I have some friends that like to go out to bars and such and I started to join them. Before you judge me on that decision finding someone in church really isn’t practical unless you want me to date a 60 year old. I have had some interesting leads from this approach I haven’t taken any of them seriously.

More recently I have started the whole online scene as the bi monthly trips to the laundromat were only turning up homeless people and a bitchy attendant. I decided to sign up with a profile on Match.com and a profile on PlentyOfFish.com. I cant really comment very much on this as I haven’t gotten much response yet but I will be sure to keep you updated.

Though I am not sure where this path will ultimately lead I can say that I am looking forward to an interesting journey. If you were looking to mingle and were very single where would you go and what would you do?

Purely for your entertainment I am including a slideshow of a once in a life time experience from me….an impromptu iphone photo-shoot in my bathroom mirror. Eat that Hipsters!

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November 7, 2011

Worse Than Death

Folks I have not written in awhile and until now I wasn’t sure what to write. I feel heavy with grief. I feel as if I am missing one of my arms or that a part of my heart has been savagely ripped out by a half pig half rat beast in a grungy to the death match. I have been watching Merlin too much. I digress my sadness is as if one of my children has passed on to the great beyond. In short my Kindle has died.

It is funny how people react to things for sure but i never could have imagined how sad this makes me. It is just a thing, it has no soul no distinct personality. I assigned it a soul and a personality much like a horcrux without all the killing. I am not beyond saying that I loved it. It was my shipoopi (cred to the person who names the musical this reference if from HINT:Gary Indiana)

I am dealing with the grief the best way I know how, I am playing the saddest musical I have in my library “Next To Normal”. I also am writing you all with my emotions.

I do need to take the time to thank Past Shawn he usually is a bumbling idiot but this time he actually came through. He bought an extended warranty and I am getting a replacement kindle 3. I would hug this Past Shawn fellow if I could but I cant so…yeah.

Bye?

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September 28, 2011

Bullying

Very few times in life do I get so impassioned about things that I must write them down immediately because I feel like if I wait I will lose the passion of the moment. Tonight I am highly disturbed and confused about some things that have taken place recently and that have spanned over the last year.

This past year has been marked by several suicides by young people who have been bullied, mistreated and damaged by the words and actions of others. Granted there are only a few faces to represent the masses that commit suicide in a year people are up in arms about bullying. People are calling for our legislature to pass laws that make bullying illegal.

Before I continue I must tell you that through my whole life I have been bullied. I was bullied in grade school for being overweight. This bullying continued throughout high school. I also was called all kinds of names including but not limited to Faggot. Though I personally believe I was not actually picked on that bad I just wanted to let you know that I was not the popular kid and I am not speaking out of my behind.

Continuing As I told my twitter followers, I do not support an attempt to make bullying illegal. I do not support it because though there are certainly some extremes who is going to be the one to draw a line in the sand between criticism and bullying? I want to know who has the guile to give me a clear concise legal definition of bullying. I think that you will find that definition is hard to make concise and I hate to tell you world but the best laws contain no gray.

When does it come to a point where Joe Somebody calls the police on his neighbor because he said something that hurt his feelings? I mentioned I was bullied and I have to tell you folks that I would not take that back for one second and if you know me and love me you would not want it taken back either. Life is never a straight flat trip and though it can be down right horrible and discouraging at times it   essentially shapes who we are inside. I love myself because someone held hate in their hearts for me, isn’t that  a wild contradiction?

I do not know about you but I enjoy my freedoms. I enjoy being able to have a bad day and decided to be a bitchy queen(King) because of it. I know you may not value your right to be an a-hole but I sure do. There are better ways to handle this situation that does not involve restricting peoples rights.

I am not going to complain and leave with no possible solutions. We don’t need complainers we need doers. I suggest that the first thing that would help is to make sure that all programs that offer support to people that are feeling suicidal become federally funded. That means I support funds going to things like The Trevor Project , Suicide hotline, Etc.

I also feel like the institutions surrounding these individuals lives need to be evaluated. If someone is at the brink of suicide then the signs they are being bullied should be very apparent and schools, neighbors and families should have some recourse brought against them after a formal investigation is completed to see if there is anything that could have been done.

There is also an independent assignment you can work on for me. Teach your children tolerance. Tolerance does not mean you need to like someone personally but it means that your respect the things that make you different. I was raised to not hate anyone for any reason so parents if you want to see a change in our world it starts with you and your children.

I am not even going to lie to you and declare that I am still a praying man. I haven’t prayed in over a year but I know plenty of you do pray a lot. Please pray for the families of these youth that have taken their lives. The hardest thing about suicide is not that you did it, it’s what you leave behind.

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September 22, 2011

I Can Take Criticisms But Not Compliments

The title is actually a quote from some person who is most noted for saying things (James Taylor). I found this to be so true this week because I received one of the few compliments I can ever recall. Granted the compliment was from a creeper who I dare not mention because I have blogged about them before. You wouldn’t believe who and I am not telling.

The compliment was that I am adorable. Besides the initial barf feeling I had after this person told me this I was taken totally by surprise and was not sure how to take this. I have lived my whole life thinking of myself is not worthy of other people and my self worth has always been low. No one specifically has made me feel that way besides myself.

It felt nice for someone to send a compliment my way. I need to remember sometimes that though some people may not regard me as very valuable that I am so valuable and so are you. There are things about our personality and our physical selves that only we do. There is no person exactly like us in any way. Even twins have small variations that make them stand apart.

The funny thing about me is that I use things to make me better, more desirable. I decided to count the different products I have an use to improve myself. After finishing I can tell you I was kind of shocked at the number. I use no less than 16 different tools and products on everything from my shoulders to the top of my head. I am shocked because I consider all these things a vital part of my life and without them I would feel like an ugly hot mess.

Clearly my self-image could use some work, What are some of your shortcomings?

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September 11, 2011

Sunday Simmer: Remembering 9/11

I wasn’t going to post today. I thought that posting would just wash out in all the posts and news stories and other things being said from person to person but after watching some of the memorial and the final moment of silence I felt like my remembrance of this was essential.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the families that lost loved ones int he trade towers. I luckily enough didn’t lose anyone close however I think that all Americans were united in mourning for those that did lose their lives. I was only 12 at the time in school at Cape Henlopen Lewes Middle School in Mr Schneck’s class.

The days after 9/11 were astounding for our country. Our people joined together no matter their race, religion, etc. I would say that it was one of the strongest moments in our nation. We can only hope to get to a point where we all are of the same accord again. God Bless our country and God Bless our ways, no matter which god it is you ascribe.

I didnt know this morning how much 10 years later the towers falling would affect me. During the second moment of silence I started to weep and then breathing became so difficult. Nothing else in life has affected me so deeply. I mourn for the initial lives lost and I mourn the fact that 10 years later lives are still lost protecting us for those who wish to destroy our way of life.

I want to know when does the death end? At what point do both side realize our fragility as men and lay down their arms and accept that each side has their own way of life? Whether we were created or we came out of a pool of goo the odds of us being here by accident are insurmountable. Regardless of who we are we have a sphere of influence that can reverberate throughout groups in ways we could never predict.

No one could have said what I did better than Mother Teresa :

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”

Do something for me..make ripples.

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September 10, 2011

Life Goals Fall Update

At the beginning of this summer I made a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish this summer and as much as I hate to admit it summer is over. I wanted to take this change in seasons to update you on the goals I had set and what new goals I have in mind. I have been very busy all summer and have made giant leaps of progress in some areas and in others I have admittedly stagnated.

The biggest goal was to eat right and lose this weight. I can happily report that I am on track with my weight goals. Since Feburary I have lost 35 pounds. This was very challenging because I am going to be honest I am a stress eater and I have a very stressful month on July. My current weight is 255 and my next small goal is to be down to 244 (5% of my total current weight). This means that I am 95 pounds away from a healthy weight(160 lbs.). A part of my goal is to incorporate P90X into my workout to replace those walks in the park as it gets darker and colder. Also I am happy to report I haven’t touched a soda-pop since I gave it up on Feburary 26.

Old Foxy has finally died… thank you for your condolences, she was a great car that served my needs. Luckily I purchased her younger daughter, a pearl white Mazda 3 who will carry her family name. The stressful part of July was not only buying the car but I wrecked it into a tree that was down in the road after a storm. Luckily the damage wasn’t that bad and I have finally gotten the Mazda back after a bunch of crap that would require a whole post to explain. I can sum it up with DONT GO TO DUTCH MILLER BODY SHOP EVER!!!!

Finally a new goal I have set for myself is to get an apartment of my own. I have been living with a wonderful group of people that I consider an extension of my family for the entire time I have been in the Huntington Tri-State area. I really appreciate them but I never started living here with the idea that it would be a permanent living solution but it has become that. I need to completely shove myself into adulthood and finally get an apartment so that I can grow and expand. I will let you know how this turns out, hopefully well.

Relationship wise I still have nothing to report. I have however have taken steps to socialize with people that are around my age and do age appropriate activities. I have changed my work schedule so that I will have a week-end night that I can go out places. Most recently I could have been found at Stonewall a local club which was pretty much a ton of fun. I am really expecting this area to be much more fun to write in a few months ;)

How have your Goals changed as the summer progressed? Keep it classy everyone!

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September 6, 2011

Getting My Freak On…Okay Just Kidding

Sitting here tonight typing on my recently 1 year old macbook (happy belated birthday Zaza) drinking my mint tea with locally produced honey and listening to sounds of a thunderstorm is very different from last night. Mostly because last night I was not a pretentious twit but also because I went to the least likely place anyone would expect to find me…I went to a night club.

I know your mind is probably conjuring horrible images of alcohol benders and bumping and grinding however I can qualm your fears none of this funny business happened…with me anyhow. The night club is really for anyone but is run by gay people and is a gay friendly environment. My lesbian wifey has wanted me to go hang with her for awhile so me and my bestie went to hang out with her last night.

There were some definite highlights from the night that I will remember for a good long while. Most memorable was my reactions to things. Several times I found myself being pushed beyond my comfort zone and sometimes I was the one doing the pushing. The most notable is that I actually moved around way more than I did at my high-school prom. I also specifically remember being felt up at the door ( I am told the correct terminology is patted down).

The club is named Stonewall and is located in Huntington Wv, It is listed online as West Virginia’s Premiere Gay Dance Show Bar. Though they list themselves as a gay bar everyone around here knows it is just a chill places that accepts all people no matter of orientation. It is the hottest place in town and in more ways than one. I have tons of friends that have been trying to get me to go for so long but until last night the opportunity was never presented. If in Huntington you must frequent this bar if you are looking for a fun time.

There were some fairly funny things that happened to other people last night at the bar that I felt like sharing. Apparently there was a girl that was so drunk that she fell somewhere near ten times while dancing. She was like a Weeble that girl would not stay down. On the train of drunk people there was a guy that when he arrived seemed to be straight as an arrow and as the night went on and he became more inebriated he started switching teams more and more. He started out fully clothed dancing with girls and ended up shirtless shoving dollar bills down a performers top (they were cross dressing men).

I remain relatively composed but didn’t completely escape my normal self. Around midnight I was yawning like an 80 year old man so I finally gave in a bought a Red Bull to keep myself from passing out in my seat at the bar. My bestie was cutting a rug or what ever you youngsters call it nowadays… he was seriously tearing up the dance floor and nobody would dance with him and he was doing good. Neither myself or my lesbian wifey feel comfortable dancing so we had to leave him hanging, I think he had fun anyhow.

Now I cannot wait until next sunday because you can bet my behind will be at that club and maybe this time I will dance who knows? I would like to ask you all, Where do you go to blow off steam? Nothing Nasty now ;P

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August 17, 2011

We Have Established I Am Going Straight to Hell?

I may become a very un-popular person for this post but I was trying to think about what I could write about and true to for the universe came through for me. I am not a celebrity hound so when I choose to get a celebrity fix I tend to gravitate towards Michael Buckley’s alter ego Buckhollywood of YouTube fame. If not for Buck’s videos and tweets I would never hear half the crazy things that happen in the fame world.

Yesterday Buck posted a video that was in part about suicide because on of the husbands on Real Housewives Beverly Hills committed suicide yesterday. I am sure that now you are wondering why you would think I would be going to hell, well I will tell you why. Although I feel great sympathy for the surviving members of his family I believe that this tragic death will make for great television.

Perhaps I should be more sensitive about this type of thing but honestly I kind of see suicide as a cowards way out of a tough life. Thinking about it from an avid tv watchers perspective and as a business minded individual I think this will make viewership of the show double if not triple. This makes me anxious as to how the network will react to this news and if it will affect the show. Some have speculated that the show will be edited to not include the Armstrong story line or at least play it down but I honestly think that this would be dumb for the network to do.

How do you feel about this suicide? Do you believe that it was the portrayal of the show that led this gentleman to take his own life? Do you think that his death has a right to privacy or do you think it would be appropriate for the network to exploit his death for profit? I want to know how many of you will be going to the longaberger factory with me to pick out our baskets for our trip to hell.

Stay Classy.

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August 14, 2011

Sunday Simmer: Cooking With This Little Light of Mine

I grew up on a farm in rural Maryland as I have mentioned time and time again. I love to mention it because that way of living seriously impacted my life in several areas and without that background I would not be the Shawn you all love so dearly today. I dedicate my sundays now to posting my favorite recipes and cooking while adding the occasional story or lazy sunday interest piece.

I found my love for cooking from this farm raised background. You see when it came to eating dinner we didn’t go hunting around the freezer for food to pop in the microwave. We got fresh food and used the ovens, range and cast iron implements to cook a hearty down home meal. More often than not that included making things from scratch (which tends to be mush cheaper than the premade counterparts)

Cooking instead of reheating tends to more involved and the job goes much faster if there is someone that can be a kitchen hand. I was that kitchen hand. You see I lived with my aunt for the majority of my childhood (the whys about this are too long a story) and when she cooked I was her right hand man.  I cant tell you the times I helped make dumplings ( the real kind that are flat not the ohio lazy doughy disgusting kind) or the times I helped brown hamburger in the cast iron skillet. I was all about cooking and it came naturally to me.

You can imagine the lack of shock from my parents when for christmas one year I requested that Santa (if you switch the words around it spells satan…lol) bring me an easy bake oven. I thought they were the neatest thing I had ever seen and needed one. No I did not want one I needed it. For our household, letters to santa were a mere suggestion and santa made the final ruling (we usually got what we wanted but we were deluded into believing santa had unlimited money). Imagine my excitement (little adorable shawn who walked to the beat of his own drummer) when I opened my gifts only to discover that I had gotten an Easy-Bake Oven.

I was so proud of that easy bake oven that I  had it on the top of my gifts and just had to take it out of the box and look at it because the pictures on the box were just not enough. My poor parents though, I feel bad looking back because they sure tried to make me more regular. My father always bought me a Tonka truck for christmas though it did nothing to make me more masculine I sure love those trucks too. This could turn into the “gender assignments given by toy manufacturers” speech but I will refrain.

Christmases for me were always so overwhelming because I have always been wrapped up in the spirit of the day so by the time I had actually calmed down the oven was at the back of my mind until the un thinkable happened. I went to my pile of gifts only to see that my sisters dog has shit directly on the oven. I even exclaimed ” Lyndsi, your dog just shit on my Easy-Bake Oven”. I have never forgiven that dog, I know it sounds harsh but at this age I never though of cussing so for me to cuss I would have had to have been livid.

This is not a clear moral so I will spell it out for you. Cooking keeps me centered like yoga keeps skinny b*tches centered. I also think a hidden moral is do not come between me and food or I will lose it.

May your pots steady simmer and the mimosas keep flowing.

*My memory sucks apparently I had the more masculine Mrs. Fields Baking Factory, lets just pretend I had an Easy-Bake oven. I mean they both used a freaking 60W light bulb to cook with whats the difference?

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